Saying good-bye is never easy

For some there are times in life that are too difficult if not impossible to make the lips form the words "good-bye". Others have all but removed the word from their vocabulary and replaced it with phrases such as, “So long” “See you later” or “After while crocodile.”

As a soldier, I had to be absent from my family and friends on many occasions and although the uncertainty of military life makes separation a “norm”, separation is never “normal”. I always found myself searching for ways not to say “good-bye” because the words are so final.

I remember like it was yesterday, it was the Fall of 1995, when I was given deployment orders for my first duty station. To my unfortunate surprise, I received an unaccompanied tour in Seoul, South Korea. I had dreaded the Korea tour because it would mean I would immediately begin my military career far, far away from my young family and my home in Texas. I had just graduated from high school and joined the Army with hopes of a better life for my young pregnant wife and daughter. We had just overcome for four full months of separation, while I endured the rigors of Basic Combat Training (BCT) and Advanced Individual Training (AIT).

As a reward for my accomplishments, I received a two week furlough to go home and reconnect with my family briefly before I was to be shipped out to South Korea for a full calendar year. But, separation is to military life as fish are to water. And like it or not I knew my situation was no different than the countless number of other men and women who also would be leaving loved ones behind in the United States. The enormous distance alone was frightening enough but I was going to be in a foreign country for the first time ever in my life and I was terrified!! I can remember being torn between my new found respect for duty, honor and country and the gut-wrenching thought of leaving my young family alone and defenseless for a year without me.

I devised a plan in my mind that if I could somehow get re-assigned somewhere stateside long enough to have the baby and get settled, I could satisfy my overseas duty requirement later on before my first enlistment ended. So, I went to the local recruiting station in hopes of getting an emergency change of duty assignments since my wife would be alone and was nearing her third trimester with our second child. Needless to say, the Recruiting Commander and I did not see eye to eye on this issue.
He had a skewed military point of view when it came to matters such as these concerning brand new soldiers. He knew it was a tough position to be in as a young soldier and father but he saw the greater needs of the Army and the affects that changing my duty assignment would have on another soldier and his/her family. With that in mind, he summarily dismissed my request and ordered me to make movement or face the consequences.

As a legal specialist in the Army, I knew very well what that meant. I did not want to face those consequences because it would hurt my family even further if I was to face Uniformed Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) action. UCMJ action is the Army equivalent of civilian court. If I faced a court-martial, I could be forced to forfeit all pay and allowances, have my rank taken and my pay-grade reduced or worse I could be sentenced to jail and given a dishonorable discharge. Explaining this situation to my civilian wife was not easy. Still, I knew that I had to stand up and respond honorably. I had taken and sworn to a solemn oath to defend the country against all enemies foreign and domestic. The final decision though difficult was made ultimately without much continued hesitation.When the day finally arrived for me to board the plane for Korea, I remember driving to the airport with my wife still searching for a way to say “good-bye” with no serious success. As we walked to my departure gate hand in hand without saying a word the silence was deafening. We anxiously watched the airport clock and the departure/arrival board hoping time would freeze or my plane would be miraculously delayed for a year. Unfortunately, there would be no delays and the clock continued to tick down until my flight was ready to begin boarding. When they called my row and section to board the plane, my heart sank and I felt a hollowness inside that I never want to experience again. We hugged and kissed and our faces moistened with the tears that no separation could ever wash away. To this day, I never remember uttering the words “good-bye” then because the emotion on my face said it best.