Divorce vs. Marriage

Being married with two kids a home with a two car garage, and a white picket fence used to be a big part of the "American dream." However, the divorce rate of 50%; highest recorded in American history, would lead you to believe that the new American dream is more like, ”I survived the first marriage, and I’m never doing it again, got the house and supervised visits with the psycho-ex, so the kids know their daddy!!” Maybe, that last part was a little extreme but you know what I’m talking about almost everywhere you look a couple is getting married and two couples are getting divorced. So, it begs the question, which is best marriage or divorce?


The high rate of divorce in the United States is especially alarming because of the high numbers of Christian faith believers who also getting divorced. According to the Barna report, those of the moral right that vehemently proclaim marriage as a sacred entity, that should be between a man and a woman only; are leading the charge among the faiths that are getting divorced. Financial difficulties and infidelity with the opposite and in some cases same sex partners are the chief reasons reported for getting the divorce. This fact brings pause to some who ask the question, “What’s the big deal with gays and lesbians getting the right to be married… in time they’ll only get divorced?”
After being divorced for the three years I realized the good that came from my first marriage but, I also recognized that the divorce had helped develop a sense of urgency with regard to my personal development. To be honest, without being divorced I don't believe I was ever going to be able to obtain a college education while I was married. My duties as a provider often prevented me from concentrating on myself because I had to be the bread winner and while college would eventually lead to a better income there wasn't enough support available to me financially or otherwise. In fact, my life didn’t belong to me anymore and I felt trapped to stay in a marriage that wasn’t going anywhere because of my faith. I knew deep down inside that if I didn’t get out fast, things would only worsen for my family down the road.

As a single man again, I was free and focused on ways to make myself better. And as a result I was able to renew my focus and begin to live out my dream of becoming a college graduate and a Broadcast Journalist. However, there are still many redeeming attributes to being married and there are statistics that show that many marriages are working, as 50% of marriages in America are solid and only end with “death doing us part”.

Having been married for over 8 years, I can say that being married was at times the best time in my young life. I was definitely healthier, more financially secure and happier than I ever imagined as a married man than I ever was being single. Statistics show that married men live much longer fruitful lives than single men and are among the wealthiest in America. I was also more emotionally secure because I didn’t have to doubt whether or not a woman’s intentions were legitimate because I had a committed partner in a wife.

To me it is now clear that whether you choose marriage or divorce the statistics in America are split between the two and there is still room for debate on which is best. Only you and your mate can decide, so choose wisely!

Is the fight for marriage the best fight for the Gay/Lesbian commnity right now?

DALLAS - A lively debate on the topic of gay marriage was raised today on the popular NPR show Tell Me More . The discussion included a broad dialogue on several different Gay Rights issues. The central premise for the show was whether it was the right time or not for the fight for marriage rights when there were so many other noble causes that cry for some needed attention in the gay/lesbian communities.

The conversation included a panel of political bloggers and journalists that were gay and each of them gave riveting commentaries and perspectives with regard to their personal journeys concerning the gay/lesbian right to marriage. One of the more vocal members of the panel, Jasmyne Cannick struck quite a cord as the discussion wrapped due to time restraints that still resonates in the air. She quipped over one of the other panelist who was caucasian. She was concerned that every time gays/lesbians need to explain an issue that is being championed as one that is related to their civil rights they reach to the African-American experience to articulate their point. The sister was extremely verbose in her deviant stance that the issue of gay marriage although an important and one that she wanted accomplished, was not one of the more pressing issues that should be focused upon so heavily at this time by top Gay/Lesbian activist groups in her opinion. She also hit on another topic that was of significant interest to the panelist discussion. She wanted to know why wasn't there being more done to reach out to the African-American community to educate them more about the gay and lesbian way of life.

The obviously passionate debate for and against this important cause got me thinking about the core issue center to the discussion of marriage. Religion. The popular interpretation of the passage in the New Testament(Matthew 19:3-9) that deals specifically with the subject of marriage and divorce, seems to lead followers of the faith to believe that marriage constitutes one man and one woman.
As a Christian I share the belief that marriage is supposed to be between one man and one woman but I struggle with the overall topic marriage and divorce in my own walk of faith so I am in no way an authority on the matter. Recently, I re-married the love of my life Tanya for a variety of factors, but mostly for traditional Christian reasons. We decided that it was "better to marry than to burn." We were re-married in a simple ceremony that we planned in less than a week and executed to perfection. My cousin, Pastor Whitney Foster, an ordained minister in West Dallas made the trip to Garland and presided over our nuptials, which took place on the lawn of Sam Houston Middle school in Garland. My son Reggie's 7th grade team had their season opening basketball game at the school later that November evening so things were nice, neat and cheap! Lost in our simplistic event was the fact that at one time African-Americans were not allowed to marry anyone of their choosing in this country, which struck me as morally wrong and down right racist.

So what's the big deal?
By now, a vast majority of us can probably say that we have a gay family member(s) or gay friend(s) or classmate(s) that have shown us a few things and has adjusted one or more of our stereotypical thoughts about being gay. In an effort to be brief the following list contains five universal things that I have learned from the admittedly few number of gay/lesbian people that I have encountered so far in my lifetime:

1. Being gay is not a communicable disease. So, if a gay person gets around you, you aren't susceptible to getting the gay-itis.

2. Being gay is not a perversion that permeates the mind of a child any more negatively than a boot-shaking rap video. If your kid knows how to "pop lock and drop it" then you know what I mean.

3. Gay people are some of the most dependable, charismatic and devoted individuals that you will ever have the pleasure of knowing.

4. Gay people are willing to share details about their struggles in life and listen to yours, if you will only respectfully take the opportunity to get to know them.

5. Gay people are not going away.

Whether now is the right time or not for the gay marriage fight is still up for debate but as one of the panelist correctly pointed out about the struggle gay marriage is legal in two states and they have civil unions in many others so the fight is not a losing one. In many cases it is one that they are winning one state, one vote at a time.

Photos by: Reggie "Lockdawg" Lockhart